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One

The cloaked figure stopped next to a tree silhouetted by moonlight. Certain he had heard someone call his name, he waited to hear it again. Nothing came.
“Kalan,” A voice came from in front of him, “is there something wrong?” the two others traveling with Kalan stood looking back at him, their faces shadowed by the forest around them. Even though it was dark, Kalan could see the look of concern on their faces.
“No, no. I just thought I heard something. It would be best if we continue, I don’t want to waste much time.” As the three trudged on, Kalan remembered the voice that called his name, it a familiar one, but almost forgotten.
The two others with him had been traveling with him for almost a year. They had been the only two daring enough to take on the path that Kalan had become accustomed to. Many feared magic that had so much to do with death. At first, Kalan, too, was scared of what he was becoming, but through the proper training of his teacher, Rathma, and the great dragon Trag’Oul, he embraced his path and grew into its power quickly.
The two ahead slowed down and allowed Kalan to once gain regain the front. The woman to his right, Karilda Sariya, moved with much more agility than her partners and it was obvious she was trying not to outpace them. She was a woman only just started her second decade of life, but she composed herself as that of an old wise man. As they walked, her voluminous mahogany hair fluttered in the interjected gusts of wind. Now and then, a ray of moonlight would hit her white face and her ice-blue eyes would glow as if she were a ghostly being from another world. She hugged her black robes tightly against her body, the tug of the wind becoming a bother to her, and continued on.
Kalan had found her in the village of Cilidiah, the first city he ventured on his quest to find followers. Her life had been plagued with death since she was a child. Her parents and her brother died when she was young. They had been the mistaken targets of mercenaries, sent to kill their neighbors. She only met Kalan by chance; he had a small gathering in the village centre and she instantly felt a connection to him, as he did to her. She watched as Kalan preached about death and how it was not an ending, but merely a phase. Most of the crowd left after only a short time- either scared of what he spoke of, or just not interested. As the crowd cleared, only Karilda remained.
They met up and Kalan instantly knew she would be one to follow him. He spoke in much more detail of the ways Kalan promised to teach. She knew that he could never bring back her parents, but she knew that this path was her calling. Mendeln slowly began to teach her in the ways his master did. After only a short time, she started to understand and master her powers. Kalan and Karilda stayed in the outskirts Cilidiah for her training, but they visited the graveyard where her family was buried the last night before they left. They saw the ghosts of her fallen loved ones, but did not fear them. Her brother, whom she had been very close to, handed her a bone, this startled her for a moment, but Kalan reassured her to take her macabre gift. As she did, the bone morphed into an ivory dagger, the means by which she and her partners focused their magic.
The man to his left held a much different tale. He was tall with hair the color of rust. He had a skinny build and had one eye the color of the ocean, and the other a deep brown. Kalan and Karilda encountered him on their way to the next city after they left Cilidiah. He feared they were black mages looking to sacrifice him for a dark ritual, so he hid from them. Kalan instantly knew he was there and summoned him. Hoping that obedience would spare him, he crept from his hiding place and introduced himself as Darius Oliad. As they were speaking, a great tremor shook the ground beneath them. A fissure opened in the field where they stood and a beast shot up fro the ground and landed on six grotesque claws. As the creature stood upright, two more appendages revealed themselves, each lined with protruding bones meant to cleave and smash flesh. The head held two fiery eyes and a mouth that resembled that of a lamprey.
As quickly as the creature had appeared, Kalan and Karilda held up their ivory daggers and began chanting in the language taught to them. The daggers began to glow a surreal white light and the creature howled in apparent pain. It moved backwards, closer to where the fissure had originally opened and shook off whatever it was that pained him. The next moment, Kalan and Karilda spoke one final word and specters of all ages and sizes appeared around the creature that tried to slash vainly at their ethereal bodies. At once, the horde of ghosts began pulling the creature back into the ground. The ferocious howls of the beast almost shattered the eardrums of the three, but it was for naught. The creature was returned back into the ground and the fissure sealed once again.
“Teach me how to do that, and I will follow you forever” Darius said. And so the trio was formed.

Karilda awoke from her slumber, still plagued by dreams of her family. The group had stopped a few hours ago and built a fire which now only consisted of dimly glowing embers. She looked across the fire and saw Darius sleeping soundly, but she could not see her master, Kalan. She quickly searched the area with her mind, flying over the lands much quicker than she could do on foot. When that led to no avail, she asked one of the female spirits near her if they knew anything. Spirits always seemed to follow them, but they always clustered densely around Kalan. Karilda never asked why, but she figured it was because he was much more powerful than she and Darius.
“He resides north of here,” the spirit returned as she lifted up a boney finger pointing in his direction, “not far.”
Karilda thanked the specter and moved to find her master. Her eyes quickly adjusted to the darkness as she went along. Eventually she found him in a small clearing, looking up the trunk of a massive tree.
“What are you doing awake, Karilda? We have a long journey ahead of us tomorrow” Kalan said as he brushed his fingers against the bark. “I’d prefer it if we could move quickly and not be hindered by exhaustion.”
“I could ask you the same question” Karilda retorted, “you shouldn’t have left the camp without telling one of us.”
“There were things I needed to tend to. The spirits knew.”
Slightly angered by his response, Karilda shrugged it off and continued, “You have been most troubled this past week. You pause and get lost in thought multiple times a day. Is there something you—“
“No. There are things that are concerning me, but I am not able to speak of them freely. Do not worry about me, the things that I speak of will bring no harm to us, they just require my attention. Forgive me if I have worried you, there is nothing to fear.” Kalan turned and grinned at Karilda.
“As you wish. But be careful, teacher, there are restless things out tonight.”
“None of which have any interest in us. Go back to sleep, I will join you at the fire shortly.”
Still unsatisfied, Karilda began back to the camp. “What is it that has him so caught up?” she uttered under her breath. She always knew something was different; the road they traveled always came easier to Kalan than she or Darius, as if he had been born with his abilities and did not simply learn them. She had spoken to Darius on this matter, but he always ignored it and just dismissed it saying that Kalan just had more experience. As she got back to the camp, she reminisced on old times and fell asleep with a smile on her face.

Kalan.
The voice broke his concentration. “There it is again!” Kalan thought to himself. He could not pinpoint where it was coming from or who had uttered those words, but he knew the voice from somewhere. Kalan began heading back towards the campsite, he, too, thought of his past- all of his true past.
The memories flooded back to him. The death of his family to a plague and then the events that happened afterwards that changed him into the man he had become. A warm smile came over his face as he remembered his brother, Uldyssian. He had been the force that broke Sanctuary, then name known to the High Heavens and the Burning Hells for Earth, free from their clutches. He had been seduced by the demoness Lilith under the guise of the woman Lylia who had stirred the powers within him in an attempt to take Sanctuary back for herself. She wanted to bring down the Cathedral of Light, the religion the angel Inarius has created to worship him, and the demon-ruled Triune created by the Prime Evils to get a footing on the plane of humans.
Humans had been the offspring of the angel Inarius and his demon lover Lilith. When the children began to develop powers that exceeded both demon and angel, Inarius condemned them as abominations and set out to destroy them, as he would not allow another being to usurp his position. But Lilith had thought ahead and killed off the other demons and Angels, leaving no one but the Nephalem alive. Inarius would not let the world be utterly devoid of life, otherwise no one could worship him, so he banished Lilith and used the power of the Worldstone- an ancient crystal, to slowly diminish the power of the Nephalem until they were nothing but powerless humans.
Lilth found her way back into the world and slowly started working her seduction on Uldyssian. Upon learning of her true nature, he still continued to try and bring down the Triune and the Cathedral. He awoke the powers in other as he continued. He chose to use the name Edyrem, or those who have seen, instead of using the name Nephalem which reminded him too much of the demon he had once loved.
After bringing down the Triune, he set out for the Cathedral and met Kalan’s Master, Rathma, and Rathma’s master, the great dragon Trag’Oul. Rathma was one of the original Nephalem and brought Uldyssian to the Worldstone where Uldyssian succeeded in changing its structure to allow all humans to slowly start awakening their powers. In the final fight against Inarius, both Heaven and Hell broke free on to the ground of Sanctuary and began their age-old war again. Uldyssian ultimately scarified himself to send both the Angels and the Demons away while restoring the earth to the way it was. He even managed to return their friends Achilios and Serenthia from the dead.
In the final moments, the Angiris council of angels brought them before them as they discussed the fate of their world. Most thought that it would be destroyed, but the archangel Tyrael had a change of heart after seeing the sacrifice made by Kalan’s brother. It was decided that Sanctuary would remain, but all the memories and powers would be erased from the people so that they might choose how to align themselves as they wish in the future. However, it was Trag’Oul that had saved his memories and powers, gave him his new name, and set him on the quest to find more followers.
Kalan stopped. Smirking ever so slightly, he whispered “Trag’Oul.”
Kalan, formerly Mendeln ul-Diomed, son of Diomedes, you are summoned.
Kalan was instantly taken away in a shroud of darkness.

Quote from "Genesis" »

It doesn't sound elementary at all, its very good, coherent sentence structure and all that... It kept me interested as I've read the Sin War Trilogy and also wished Kalans story didn't end so soon
I've written a couple of things myself and even a poem... so if you're a geek then I'm a super geek

If you plan on carrying on with this novel one chapter at a time I will continue to read along as best I can

The only tip I can offer now if... for instance when you refer to Kalan, replace it with a good short description or alternative name for him. So the reader knows your referring to Kalan but doesn't just get the name Kalan over and over. It also helps to expand on the mood of the character

"There it is again!” Kalan thought to himself
“There it is again!” The distressed leader thought to himself

Kalan began heading back towards the campsite
The now weary and reflective teacher began heading back towards the campsite

But better lol... my examples aint that good