The main character himself(Cooper) is not very like-able(up til now). But since this story has just started, I am expecting a lot more from him...like for him to develop above the meager existence of a womanizer.
It all depends on what you want to do with him. Usually a character who starts out like Cooper, has more potential to becoming an endearing character if you progress him rightly.
Just my opinion though.
Just a little insignificant mistake-
I think you meant "your" rather than "you're"
Keep up the good work.
Thanks so much for the progress review, as I was holding out for one before I continued on in writing it, and I am glad to know you have enjoyed it so far. Also, I am sure there are bound to be a few spelling errors here and there; hopefully such errors don't really detract from the story though. Thanks again, and I suppose I shall push forward in writing this.
"Holy shit!" Cooper shouted as he fell backwards onto the floor.
Despite the fact that there had been no sightings of life near the outpost, his heart was racing; he was in a state of shock, and the only thing he could do was look back up towards the window. Much to his relief however, Cooper saw something entirely different from what he had expected. Spindles, the outpost's resident maintenance technician was looking in at him, cheerily smiling as he checked the exterior of the structure.
"Damn! You scared me good," laughed Cooper, but Spindles just shrugged and went back to scrolling across the surface of the command center.
Still slightly shaken, Cooper stood up slowly in order to avoid any pain from the corrosion on his stomach. " Too late!" he thought, as a burst of discomfort shot across his entire body.
"Ah, I have been looking everywhere for you," came a familiar voice, "always trying to skimp out on me."
Cooper looked flustered, "No, not at all captain, was' uh... just on my way to see you."
Hane Pomroy, or the 'captain' for short, was in his mid-fifties; approaching old age, but still full of passion. "Coming to my quarters by walking away from them?" he chuckled. "You need to lighten up. Always looken' like you're in pain. I can't have my crew feeling sorry for our resident tough-guy."
"Ye..ah," Cooper spluttered, trying not to convey that his body felt like it was falling apart.
"Estella and I have been meaning to talk to you," he continued, "and you know how adamant she is about getting things accomplished."
"Adamant? That... ...you're little 'friend' had me doing her grunt work for a week," grumbled Cooper.
"My grunt work?" said another equally familiar, yet far more odious voice, "maybe if you weren't so unintelligible you'd understand how important my research is."
Cooper spun around to see Estella, an ominously beautiful women, with darkly alluring features walking towards him. "I mean, this place is special, it's essentially one huge clump of resources."
"And once my superiors are made aware of how truly special this place is..." she resumed.
"Oh, give it a rest Estella, we both know this place is just another wasteland floating around in space," joked the captain.
"Yeah, we just had to pick the frozen one," Cooper groaned.
Estella looked angry, "It's not just a wasteland! In a few weeks I will have all the evidence I need to prove that this place is a solid mass of minera ore."
Looking amused, the captain joked, "You keep dreaming Estella, but we men have to retain order around here, and make sure everything is still working." After a slight pause, he looked towards Cooper and continued, "Did you hear that they found a hole underneath the reactor?"
"Straight from the woodpecker's mouth," Cooper said bitterly.
The captain at first laughed, but then his face went stern, "You know as well as I do boy that Alice is always going to choose what she knows'll stick around."
The captains comment took Cooper by surprise, and while Cooper prepared to interject, Kamryn's voice echoed down the hall.
"Speak of the devil," Estella grinned playfully, "I wonder what could be so urgent? Perhaps he needs another gold star?"
"Captain! Captain! There... We... We... My workers they... They found a body!" yelped Kamryn as he halted to a stop, still trying to catch his breath. "A body, underneath, underneath... in the hole underneath the reactor."
I have been working on this project for awhile, originally it was meant to be a stand-alone flick, but somewhere along the line I decided to make it into a segmentation, which eventually got me all bunked down; continues to ramble. Anyway, this fiction is largely based off of starcraft, it is some months old, as I posted it on another website strictly aimed at Starcraft, but I feel more active here, so I have decided to share it with you all, and would like to ask your opinion on whether or not I should continue past chapter two? Thanks for reading.
Synopsis -- C.U.S.P., a classic mind-bending thriller, set in the Starcraft universe on a remote and seemingly barren planet, follows the last recorded moments of the Wayfarer, its crew, and the mysterious events surrounding the vessel.
One thing is for sure, no one will hear you scream in space.
Chapter One: Trauma
"God damn this frozen wasteland," mumbled Cooper as he wrestled to light a cigarette, "Can't even enjoy a smoke without some kinda' headache."
"A headache," he thought, "I'd rather have my ears cut off than come here again." This made him chuckle a little as he remembered why he had come to this dismal place. Seven years married to some stupid broad, "I bet she still thinks I am too busy to write her' letters." No, he couldn't stand her, always griping for something better. The day she wasn't hanging off him' like an extra appendage, he ran for it and rummaged for an opportunity, any opportunity, to get the hell away from everything, and just forget it all. In retrospect, karma had kicked his ass; now he was barely scrapping an existence in the backwater of the universe.
He looked around, the command center was covered in ice, an ugly grayish-blob surrounded by an endless plane of white. He could feel the chilly howl of the wind as it whistled through his ears while finishing his cigarette.
"At least nobody nags me here," he thought.
Then, a voice squeaked out of a small circular widget to the left of him, "Hey! Thick-head! I told you to meet me in the infirmary an hour ago!"
"Scratch that..." grunted Cooper.
"What?" said the voice.
"Nothing. I am on my way." Cooper spat.
"And for god sakes, stop smoking, it's going to be the end of you," and with that, the voice was silenced with the opening of the command center entrance.
Cooper groaned as he dropped the cigarette to his feet, snuffing out it's rapidly dwindling flame. "Ainsleys' got a bug up her ass," he murmured as he proceeded to trek his way to the infirmary.
Cooper stood about six feet tall, with a rugged and muscular frame. He had an oddly handsome complexion; pale white skin, piercingly dark green eyes, and messy black hair that had a slight curl to it. By no means did he look like a typical marine.
"When are you going to start listening to me?" jumped Ainsley as Cooper opened the door to the infirmary. "You're as good as terminally ill, and you go outside to smoke? Are you completely stupid?"
Before Ainsley could say another word, Cooper lifted his shirt, revealing a mark that stretched from his bellybutton to the side of his stomach. "It's getting bigger Ainsley," said Cooper with a look seldom found on his face, agony.
Ainsley looked shocked, "It.. It was just a spec a few days ago."
She pushed her slender body against him and gave him what she considered to be her best 'sad' hug. "Cooper."
He backed away as Ainsley stood vacantly, staring at him. There she was, a petite red-head, with an admittedly nice rack, signaling to him that he was going to die. "Don't tell the others," he said. "I don't want them to know."
Ainsley still looked vacant. "You know I can't..." she whispered.
"If you love me at all, you won't tell anyone," snapped Cooper, "Nobody."
"Cooper, you know I... I..." she continued to whisper, "You've got awhile, maybe I can signal for your transfer to a better medical facility?"
Cooper, now sitting on a lab table, tugged Ainsley toward him. She could feel his breath on her neck as he began, "I..."
The door code beeped, and as the door began to lift open, Ainsley swung herself around.
Then, there entered a rather ordinary looking man, lean, but somewhat short, with a relatively bald head.
"Alice! I've been looking everywhere for you," yipped Kamryn as he leaned in to kiss her. "You know they found a hole down underneath the reactor, and I get to go manage the CV's while they fix it!"
"That's great babe!" said Ainsley, "But..."
"Yeah I know!" Kamryn interrupted, "and it's not like anyone ever gets sick around here, so I thought maybe you could come watch me?"
"Well, I... I guess," Ainsley stammered as she looked back at Cooper, who seemed thoroughly fed up.
"Yeah, I was just leaving," grunted Cooper as he headed for the door.
"Oh, and uh... Cooper, the captain was asking for you earli," continued Kamryn, but Cooper was already gone.
Angrily, Cooper made his way down the lengthy hallway leading to his bed quarters, until something in an adjacent window caught his eye. At first it seemed like nothing, but again, seconds later, something danced into view. Now, slightly worried, Cooper peered directly through the window, staring out into the world of snow. Then it happened, something large and clunky pounded against the glass back at him.