Angus the peasant saw the necromancer raising the rotting remains and ran away. Since then he told the tale of how he narrowly escaped the necromancer he called "juicy bones".
The whole idea seems a bit cliche. Little to no creativity in my opinion. Nice imagery in the introduction. Introductions have to be catchy though, after your paragraph about the bees observing the land and what not, then the interesting radar flatlines. Then you describe a really cliche world with the regions etc etc. Nintendo rpgs contained that kind of stuff 15 years ago.
Examples: R.A. Salvatore in the dark elf trilogy describes a underground world where the women are the dominate ones. There is a heirarchy of ranks among all of the dark elves, etc etc. CATCHY.
Orson Scott Card in Ender's Shadow starts with a homeless child, who's brilliant, he creates a brilliant introduction with the kid analyzing the ranking structure of all the other homeless group of kids, through wit manipulates the situation allowing him eat and survive. CATCHY.
Some sentences I felt were a bit over the edge, I'm much too lazy to point them out. If you care to hear which parts I suppose I could.
Anyone can throw descriptive words left and right hoping to accomplish forming a picture with depth to it. I think real writing comes in creativity, there honestly isn't alot of it here.
@ juicybones:
I'm not insulted. but believe me, there's no shortage of ideas in here
And I'd rather not start writing about my main caahr before everything is sorted out. To be honest, I don't even have a main char, since the whole story is to be set roughly a thousand years after everything I've come up with so far.
@ W00tstick
I see no problem about something being cliche, so long as i'm not forced to read it. I write my story because it is fun and because I want a fantasy-world that is tailored exacly as I want it. Now it could be argued that the gaming-industry have ruined this genre by over simplifying fantasy worlds, but then if that is what makess you want to write, then go for it.
Though if one ever wants to sell a book, it had better be original, creative and extremely well-written, otherwise you're screwed.
PlugY for Diablo II allows you to reset skills and stats, transfer items between characters in singleplayer, obtain all ladder runewords and do all Uberquests while offline. It is the only way to do all of the above. Please use it.
Supporting big shoulderpads and flashy armor since 2004.
The whole idea seems a bit cliche. Little to no creativity in my opinion. Nice imagery in the introduction. Introductions have to be catchy though, after your paragraph about the bees observing the land and what not, then the interesting radar flatlines. Then you describe a really cliche world with the regions etc etc. Nintendo rpgs contained that kind of stuff 15 years ago.
Examples: R.A. Salvatore in the dark elf trilogy describes a underground world where the women are the dominate ones. There is a heirarchy of ranks among all of the dark elves, etc etc. CATCHY.
Orson Scott Card in Ender's Shadow starts with a homeless child, who's brilliant, he creates a brilliant introduction with the kid analyzing the ranking structure of all the other homeless group of kids, through wit manipulates the situation allowing him eat and survive. CATCHY.
Some sentences I felt were a bit over the edge, I'm much too lazy to point them out. If you care to hear which parts I suppose I could.
Anyone can throw descriptive words left and right hoping to accomplish forming a picture with depth to it. I think real writing comes in creativity, there honestly isn't alot of it here.
thank you very much. i will not burden the community with my crap. sorry for wasting your precious time.
this thread will no longer see any of my material and i will delete what i have posted. thanks for your honesty and constructive criticism.
Constructive criticism is just meant to help, not abolish your self-esteem. You obviously have the ability to write, and give the reader an image. If you wanted to write a story on such a large scope, in my opinion, just need to work on the -creativity- factor. As phrozen pointed out, if writing that kind of conceptual story intrigues you, then write about whatever inspires you. I didn't write a New York's Best Seller so my opinion isn't set in stone. Just as a reader, who read your story so far, just felt a few things needed to be worked on if you wanted to take your story writing to a higher level.
thank you very much. i will not burden the community with my crap. sorry for wasting your precious time.
this thread will no longer see any of my material and i will delete what i have posted. thanks for your honesty and constructive criticism.
Carloseus, i liked reading your story. and from the looks of it so did alot of other people. there was like 10 compliments before wootstick. that means your story was 10/11! there are always going to be obnoxious flamers and you just have to deal with them. whether or not you end up posting your story on the internet, know that your intro was well written and you should continue to write it.
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Angus the peasant saw the necromancer raising the rotting remains and ran away. Since then he told the tale of how he narrowly escaped the necromancer he called "juicy bones".
Constructive criticism is just meant to help, not abolish your self-esteem. You obviously have the ability to write, and give the reader an image. If you wanted to write a story on such a large scope, in my opinion, just need to work on the -creativity- factor. As phrozen pointed out, if writing that kind of conceptual story intrigues you, then write about whatever inspires you. I didn't write a New York's Best Seller so my opinion isn't set in stone. Just as a reader, who read your story so far, just felt a few things needed to be worked on if you wanted to take your story writing to a higher level.
PhrozenDragon - Well said.
there is a saying, if you have nothing nice to say, keep it to yourself.
Carloseus, i liked reading your story. and from the looks of it so did alot of other people. there was like 10 compliments before wootstick. that means your story was 10/11! [highlight]there are always going to be obnoxious flamers and you just have to deal with them. whether or not you end up posting your story on the internet[/highlight], know that your intro was well written and you should continue to write it.
there is a saying, if you have nothing nice to say, keep it to yourself.
what he wrote didnt sound insulting to me. It looked like he really intended to help. It wasnt even written in a flaming way and the next post supports it too. What you need to learn to do is to learn how to handle criticism. Theres no way to get compliments only. Things like that should be taken into consideration first before starting to make the things you wrote known to the "public".
i know how to handle critcism, but telling me that i am not creative is not constructive. i do acknowledge that he did provide help after, but the fact remains.
this:
The whole idea seems a bit cliche. Little to no creativity in my opinion.
to this:
You obviously have the ability to write, and give the reader an image
those are different statements. a writer needs the ability to describe the setting and make sure the reader knows everything that is going on. the ability of a writer to accurately paint the picture in the readers mind is his handle on creativity in my opinion. another thing is that he was way too extreme at the start of the story. i was going more for a Lord of the Rings thing, where alot of the setting is set and you get an idea about what is happening before tossing the reader in the confusion of the main character's life and the other characters. perhaps my problem was that i was judged too harshly too early, but i still stand by my thoughts at the start of this post.
as you pointed out 2 things are needed to become a successfull writer:
1. the ability to give the reader an image .
2. being original (not using cliche stories that often).
ofc you can be successfull and write a good story/book if you use a cliche story well (the Diablo storyline is a masterwork of a cliche story) but this doesnt add to your creativity in matter of being original (at least thats how i got w00dsticks post).
Using a cliche story isnt a bad thing. There arent many original things to think of anymore anyway (at least my, poor, with little to no creativity, mind cant think of anything). Just give your readers the image and its cool.
Carloseus, i liked reading your story. and from the looks of it so did alot of other people. there was like 10 compliments before wootstick. that means your story was 10/11! there are always going to be obnoxious flamers and you just have to deal with them. whether or not you end up posting your story on the internet, know that your intro was well written and you should continue to write it.
How ignorant of you. Nothing I said could even be considered a flame. I rarely ever see any degrade someones art on a forum. Even the shittiest of the shittest. People still pointed out things they liked about it. Carlo you obviously can't take opinions very well, perhaps it's just a immaturity issue.
Yes, as someone pointed out, the only opinion that really matters is your own. Since you posted it on a public forum I assumed you wanted all the diablo3 lovers to gather around and compliment you left and right. Well sorry to tell you, someone might find not appreciate it 100%. So far you've had two people you felt were cricizing your work, both times you raged back out completely immaturely.
All I'm saying is it's a nice little read for a couple pages, you would be great at short stories im sure. If you reach more than 20 pages I think you would have a problem trying to keep the reader engaged.
btw- I actually felt diablo2 was incredibly complex and creative. Just an opinion though.
Yes, as someone pointed out, the only opinion that really matters is your own. Since you posted it on a public forum I assumed you wanted all the diablo3 lovers to gather around and compliment you left and right. Well sorry to tell you, someone might find not appreciate it 100%. So far you've had two people you felt were cricizing your work, both times you raged back out completely immaturely.
who's the second? i have currently stated that i was offended by his remarks to my creativity. no creativity to a book is like no fun to a game. at least thats how i interpret the connection. i even said that i acknowledge his supportive comments after, but saying it was not creative at all when you have not even read more than the first page of it, i have stated that the least you can do is look at more of it and then draw connections. there are flaws, and i know it will be torn to shreds by publishers and editors. my dad read it and noticed a ton of grammatical errors, which i noted and have not yet fixed. i will no longer defend myself, because i have no more to say.
So post more of the story, I have no problem being proven wrong. I would go back to which part I was referring to, however you erased it.
Juicybones originally tried to give you advice, "well, it sounds more like flaming to me" was your reply. Just an example how poorly you take suggestions or criticizm.
I just feel that anyone here could sit down, start writing a fantasy based story, and come up with something just as good. If you know it would be torn to shreds in the professonal world WTF IS SO GOD DAMN OFFENSIVE ABOUT WHAT I SAID? Yes carlo, it would be torn to shreds, shitted on, used for recycled paper so kindegarteners can color on. At age 17 NO ONE EXPECTS YOU TO WRITE PERFECTLY.
You posted it on the forum so people COULD READ IT AND VOICE THEIR OPINION. That's exactly what I just did, if you need to go buy a box of tissues and contemplate suicide because OH DEAR GOD someone thought it was just "OK", be my guest.
Stop using the word "FLAMING", typing it isn't going to make your writing -more- creative.
I was commenting on a story, however it was phrozen dragons story. Carloseus took my comments as flaming material though.
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Angus the peasant saw the necromancer raising the rotting remains and ran away. Since then he told the tale of how he narrowly escaped the necromancer he called "juicy bones".
thats what i meant, i know that you were reffering to phrozens story. it was too soon of you to talk about his story because no one even knew what it was about.
again, i only said that one person i felt had offended me. on a different thread i have said that i over reacted, so chill.
thats what i meant, i know that you were reffering to phrozens story. it was too soon of you to talk about his story because no one even knew what it was about.
Then perhaps I'll have to post something myself? (Eventually)
PlugY for Diablo II allows you to reset skills and stats, transfer items between characters in singleplayer, obtain all ladder runewords and do all Uberquests while offline. It is the only way to do all of the above. Please use it.
Supporting big shoulderpads and flashy armor since 2004.
thats what i meant, i know that you were reffering to phrozens story. it was too soon of you to talk about his story because no one even knew what it was about.
again, i only said that one person i felt had offended me. on a different thread i have said that i over reacted, so chill.
i was talking to wootstick, not you. sorry i guess i should have quoted.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Angus the peasant saw the necromancer raising the rotting remains and ran away. Since then he told the tale of how he narrowly escaped the necromancer he called "juicy bones".
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Examples: R.A. Salvatore in the dark elf trilogy describes a underground world where the women are the dominate ones. There is a heirarchy of ranks among all of the dark elves, etc etc. CATCHY.
Orson Scott Card in Ender's Shadow starts with a homeless child, who's brilliant, he creates a brilliant introduction with the kid analyzing the ranking structure of all the other homeless group of kids, through wit manipulates the situation allowing him eat and survive. CATCHY.
Some sentences I felt were a bit over the edge, I'm much too lazy to point them out. If you care to hear which parts I suppose I could.
Anyone can throw descriptive words left and right hoping to accomplish forming a picture with depth to it. I think real writing comes in creativity, there honestly isn't alot of it here.
I'm not insulted. but believe me, there's no shortage of ideas in here
And I'd rather not start writing about my main caahr before everything is sorted out. To be honest, I don't even have a main char, since the whole story is to be set roughly a thousand years after everything I've come up with so far.
@ W00tstick
I see no problem about something being cliche, so long as i'm not forced to read it. I write my story because it is fun and because I want a fantasy-world that is tailored exacly as I want it. Now it could be argued that the gaming-industry have ruined this genre by over simplifying fantasy worlds, but then if that is what makess you want to write, then go for it.
Though if one ever wants to sell a book, it had better be original, creative and extremely well-written, otherwise you're screwed.
thank you very much. i will not burden the community with my crap. sorry for wasting your precious time.
this thread will no longer see any of my material and i will delete what i have posted. thanks for your honesty and constructive criticism.
PhrozenDragon - Well said.
Carloseus, i liked reading your story. and from the looks of it so did alot of other people. there was like 10 compliments before wootstick. that means your story was 10/11! there are always going to be obnoxious flamers and you just have to deal with them. whether or not you end up posting your story on the internet, know that your intro was well written and you should continue to write it.
there is a saying, if you have nothing nice to say, keep it to yourself.
i second this
what he wrote didnt sound insulting to me. It looked like he really intended to help. It wasnt even written in a flaming way and the next post supports it too. What you need to learn to do is to learn how to handle criticism. Theres no way to get compliments only. Things like that should be taken into consideration first before starting to make the things you wrote known to the "public".
this:
to this:
those are different statements. a writer needs the ability to describe the setting and make sure the reader knows everything that is going on. the ability of a writer to accurately paint the picture in the readers mind is his handle on creativity in my opinion. another thing is that he was way too extreme at the start of the story. i was going more for a Lord of the Rings thing, where alot of the setting is set and you get an idea about what is happening before tossing the reader in the confusion of the main character's life and the other characters. perhaps my problem was that i was judged too harshly too early, but i still stand by my thoughts at the start of this post.
1. the ability to give the reader an image .
2. being original (not using cliche stories that often).
ofc you can be successfull and write a good story/book if you use a cliche story well (the Diablo storyline is a masterwork of a cliche story) but this doesnt add to your creativity in matter of being original (at least thats how i got w00dsticks post).
Using a cliche story isnt a bad thing. There arent many original things to think of anymore anyway (at least my, poor, with little to no creativity, mind cant think of anything). Just give your readers the image and its cool.
How ignorant of you. Nothing I said could even be considered a flame. I rarely ever see any degrade someones art on a forum. Even the shittiest of the shittest. People still pointed out things they liked about it. Carlo you obviously can't take opinions very well, perhaps it's just a immaturity issue.
Yes, as someone pointed out, the only opinion that really matters is your own. Since you posted it on a public forum I assumed you wanted all the diablo3 lovers to gather around and compliment you left and right. Well sorry to tell you, someone might find not appreciate it 100%. So far you've had two people you felt were cricizing your work, both times you raged back out completely immaturely.
All I'm saying is it's a nice little read for a couple pages, you would be great at short stories im sure. If you reach more than 20 pages I think you would have a problem trying to keep the reader engaged.
btw- I actually felt diablo2 was incredibly complex and creative. Just an opinion though.
who's the second? i have currently stated that i was offended by his remarks to my creativity. no creativity to a book is like no fun to a game. at least thats how i interpret the connection. i even said that i acknowledge his supportive comments after, but saying it was not creative at all when you have not even read more than the first page of it, i have stated that the least you can do is look at more of it and then draw connections. there are flaws, and i know it will be torn to shreds by publishers and editors. my dad read it and noticed a ton of grammatical errors, which i noted and have not yet fixed. i will no longer defend myself, because i have no more to say.
Juicybones originally tried to give you advice, "well, it sounds more like flaming to me" was your reply. Just an example how poorly you take suggestions or criticizm.
I just feel that anyone here could sit down, start writing a fantasy based story, and come up with something just as good. If you know it would be torn to shreds in the professonal world WTF IS SO GOD DAMN OFFENSIVE ABOUT WHAT I SAID? Yes carlo, it would be torn to shreds, shitted on, used for recycled paper so kindegarteners can color on. At age 17 NO ONE EXPECTS YOU TO WRITE PERFECTLY.
You posted it on the forum so people COULD READ IT AND VOICE THEIR OPINION. That's exactly what I just did, if you need to go buy a box of tissues and contemplate suicide because OH DEAR GOD someone thought it was just "OK", be my guest.
Stop using the word "FLAMING", typing it isn't going to make your writing -more- creative.
again, i only said that one person i felt had offended me. on a different thread i have said that i over reacted, so chill.
i was talking to wootstick, not you. sorry i guess i should have quoted.