I've been working on several books, and have just recently had the guts to have anyone else but me edit // proofread it. However, I've decided, albeit strangely, to post a small prologue of what I'm writing for this community. I'm open to all kinds of constructive criticism. Would you read this book if you saw it at your local book store?
Long ago the nature of magic was described carefully and precisely, written in a sealed tome. All of the mage clans, each representing a specific element, agreed to the unification of all guilds. Thus began the Chromatic Order. The manuscript, named the Tome of Mauras, was hidden away due to its potential for misuse. Though copied several times to allow for many generations to learn from the coveted pages, it was never copied in its entirety.
Time passed and sects grew within the Order, each vying for power within the Tribunal. Due to the ever-increasing tension and political warfare between the guilds, the tome was forgotten.
During the political strife, a relatively small and unknown guild rose in power quickly. The Citrine Rose gained notoriety nearly overnight with the utter destruction of a major port city. After nearly five decades of war, it was discovered that the guild master had obtained copies of the sacred texts from all of the clans, and nearly reconstructed the Tome of Mauras. At this striking evidence, the Chromatic Order defeated the powerful clan, but not without consequence. The majority of the Order were killed during the final assault. It was then that the mage clans agreed to a peaceful resolution and sought safety and security instead of power and prestige.
The Tribunal convened in secret and created a guild of mages and hunters called the Keepers of the Masquerade, sworn to secrecy and security, to prevent renegade mages or clans from ever attempting to overthrow the Tribunal. Since their inception a millennia ago, the Keepers of the Masquerade have maintained peace throughout the world.
But time flows like a river and history repeats itself.
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I don't know yet. It's a bit small. Usually it takes a bit for me to read a book, such as the mention of dragons or some such (I know, I'm a dragon fan). Could you expand a bit on it?
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A common theme throughout all of the stories or novellas that I write is the blurring of the line between what is right and what is wrong. Doing bad things for good reasons. Maybe a little cliche, but what isn't now a days?
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A common theme throughout all of the stories or novellas that I write is the blurring of the line between what is right and what is wrong. Doing bad things for good reasons.
I don't want to sound like an English teacher, but that theme is pretty general. In any case, I need more info to say anything about your book. I don't take books seriously unless they try to tell the reader something, or at least have room for me to think they are trying to tell me something.
Quote from "OathofChaos" »
Maybe a little cliche, but what isn't now a days?
In the fantasy and the sci-fi universe, there is always room for ideas. And there are tons of ideas I did not see properly explored yet, or explored only a tiny bit. Right and wrong can be discussed forever because society always changes. Something a lot of fantasy writers forget in their books is forming social structure.
That is, of course, assuming that you are writing fantasy not because fantasy is cool, but because you need fantasy to put your point across. And I probably pissed you off considerably by now.
*laughs* Don't worry Equinox, I take criticism well. I'll post a bit more here... see what you guys think from there. I just wanted to bring a little bit to the table.
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Well, since my last post, I've changed a few ideas in the book, giving it a moderately different look and feel. I presented the first chapter to a friend of mine, and he wrote down questions for me. Here is the outcome... (Hopefully this will give you guys insight as to where I'm going with this):
Questions:
What is a Blood Knight?
A Blood Knight is a warrior who uses Blood Magic. Blood magic is the use of blood (Lifeblood) as a reagent or catalyst to alter the physical world’s elements (Fire, Water, Wind, Earth // Metal, Biological entities [Poisons, corrosive acid, ect.], and other forms of matter) to help or hinder a person or group of people. The Blood Knight is a protector who has sworn to use these forbidden abilities for a purely beneficial cause.
What are the central themes presented in the novel?
Specifically, the theme of blurring the lines between Good and Evil are presented first and foremost. The idea is to show that actions themselves are neither good nor evil, but the person from whom the action originates from and the intent behind the action that is ultimately divided.
Who are the main characters, both Antagonists and Protagonists?
Kael’ashi Vygrand and his half-brother Xa’phiel Malaresh are the two major protagonists, Kaelashi being the elder. Zaneshion (Zane), the visionary // seer, is the main antagonist.
What era will the book be set in? Will it be a pre-existing world, or a newly created world?
The book will be set in Modern, slightly post-modern. I began writing the book in a fantasy-esque world, but it felt too wide in scope. I decided to write using the pre-existing world, which allowed me to utilize places and names of countries and cities. This makes it easier to draw the reader in with a pre-existing world, because the reader can identify with the locations, and thus identify with the story a bit easier.
What style will the book be written in?
The book will be written in a third person omniscient point of view, but not many deviations from the main characters. This leaves much room outside of the main characters’ field of view to be hinted at, increasing the level of intrigue and suspicion during the entirety of the book.
How should the book impact the reader? How should the readers feel after reading the book?
I hope to blur the image of good and evil, proving through a tale of intrigue, mystery, and war that absolute morality is based on perspective, and that good and evil seen from a different view can be incoherent. I want to enlighten the reader and push them to think about the obvious and subtle rights and wrongs, forcing them to question any conflicting beliefs. Not to convert, but to strengthen.
Who are the target audiences?
The target audiences are from late high-school level up. I feel that the topics presented in this book are not suited for the younger generations. I do not feel that they will be able to fully comprehend the ideas within the book. I want the readers to comprehend fully what they’re reading. At the same time, I also hope that those who read the book are firm in their own belief structures, while being open to the ideas posed within the book.
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------------------------------------------- Those who stand for nothing will fall for anything.
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interesting, but you need to add 1 or 2 lines to the end, something that will draw the reader's attention and make them want to read further. so far all you have is:
but time flows like a river and history repeats itself
this doesn't peak my interest at all. you need to write something thats gonna make people think, wow I wonder what is going to happen. maybe describe this new threat in a vague sense but with enough substance there that will make people want to read more.
just my 2 cents.
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If you want to arrange it
This world you can change it
If we could somehow make this
Christmas thing last
By helping a neighbor
Or even a stranger
And to know who needs help
You need only just ask
Well, I hope the questionnaire helps answer a few questions. Here's another smaller excerpt (When I say small, I mean one paragraph to illustrate descriptiveness)
The city burned. Vivid flames painted the night sky with colors of red and orange, with the occasional splash from the intermittent gas stations. The violent winds increased the intensity of the firestorm with every moment, melting the hundreds of thousands plastic cars where they sat. Smaller explosions rippled through the scarred cityscape as windows explode into the molten streets like confetti, pooling where it lay like a guttered candle.
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------------------------------------------- Those who stand for nothing will fall for anything.
-------------------------------------------
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Long ago the nature of magic was described carefully and precisely, written in a sealed tome. All of the mage clans, each representing a specific element, agreed to the unification of all guilds. Thus began the Chromatic Order. The manuscript, named the Tome of Mauras, was hidden away due to its potential for misuse. Though copied several times to allow for many generations to learn from the coveted pages, it was never copied in its entirety.
Time passed and sects grew within the Order, each vying for power within the Tribunal. Due to the ever-increasing tension and political warfare between the guilds, the tome was forgotten.
During the political strife, a relatively small and unknown guild rose in power quickly. The Citrine Rose gained notoriety nearly overnight with the utter destruction of a major port city. After nearly five decades of war, it was discovered that the guild master had obtained copies of the sacred texts from all of the clans, and nearly reconstructed the Tome of Mauras. At this striking evidence, the Chromatic Order defeated the powerful clan, but not without consequence. The majority of the Order were killed during the final assault. It was then that the mage clans agreed to a peaceful resolution and sought safety and security instead of power and prestige.
The Tribunal convened in secret and created a guild of mages and hunters called the Keepers of the Masquerade, sworn to secrecy and security, to prevent renegade mages or clans from ever attempting to overthrow the Tribunal. Since their inception a millennia ago, the Keepers of the Masquerade have maintained peace throughout the world.
But time flows like a river and history repeats itself.
-------------------------------------------
Those who stand for nothing will fall for anything.
-------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------
Those who stand for nothing will fall for anything.
-------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------
Those who stand for nothing will fall for anything.
-------------------------------------------
In the fantasy and the sci-fi universe, there is always room for ideas. And there are tons of ideas I did not see properly explored yet, or explored only a tiny bit. Right and wrong can be discussed forever because society always changes. Something a lot of fantasy writers forget in their books is forming social structure.
That is, of course, assuming that you are writing fantasy not because fantasy is cool, but because you need fantasy to put your point across. And I probably pissed you off considerably by now.
PS: WTF we live in the same area.
It's the decisions you make when you have no time to make them that define who you are.
-------------------------------------------
Those who stand for nothing will fall for anything.
-------------------------------------------
Questions:
What is a Blood Knight?
A Blood Knight is a warrior who uses Blood Magic. Blood magic is the use of blood (Lifeblood) as a reagent or catalyst to alter the physical world’s elements (Fire, Water, Wind, Earth // Metal, Biological entities [Poisons, corrosive acid, ect.], and other forms of matter) to help or hinder a person or group of people. The Blood Knight is a protector who has sworn to use these forbidden abilities for a purely beneficial cause.
What are the central themes presented in the novel?
Specifically, the theme of blurring the lines between Good and Evil are presented first and foremost. The idea is to show that actions themselves are neither good nor evil, but the person from whom the action originates from and the intent behind the action that is ultimately divided.
Who are the main characters, both Antagonists and Protagonists?
Kael’ashi Vygrand and his half-brother Xa’phiel Malaresh are the two major protagonists, Kaelashi being the elder. Zaneshion (Zane), the visionary // seer, is the main antagonist.
What era will the book be set in? Will it be a pre-existing world, or a newly created world?
The book will be set in Modern, slightly post-modern. I began writing the book in a fantasy-esque world, but it felt too wide in scope. I decided to write using the pre-existing world, which allowed me to utilize places and names of countries and cities. This makes it easier to draw the reader in with a pre-existing world, because the reader can identify with the locations, and thus identify with the story a bit easier.
What style will the book be written in?
The book will be written in a third person omniscient point of view, but not many deviations from the main characters. This leaves much room outside of the main characters’ field of view to be hinted at, increasing the level of intrigue and suspicion during the entirety of the book.
How should the book impact the reader? How should the readers feel after reading the book?
I hope to blur the image of good and evil, proving through a tale of intrigue, mystery, and war that absolute morality is based on perspective, and that good and evil seen from a different view can be incoherent. I want to enlighten the reader and push them to think about the obvious and subtle rights and wrongs, forcing them to question any conflicting beliefs. Not to convert, but to strengthen.
Who are the target audiences?
The target audiences are from late high-school level up. I feel that the topics presented in this book are not suited for the younger generations. I do not feel that they will be able to fully comprehend the ideas within the book. I want the readers to comprehend fully what they’re reading. At the same time, I also hope that those who read the book are firm in their own belief structures, while being open to the ideas posed within the book.
-------------------------------------------
Those who stand for nothing will fall for anything.
-------------------------------------------
this doesn't peak my interest at all. you need to write something thats gonna make people think, wow I wonder what is going to happen. maybe describe this new threat in a vague sense but with enough substance there that will make people want to read more.
just my 2 cents.
If you want to arrange it
This world you can change it
If we could somehow make this
Christmas thing last
By helping a neighbor
Or even a stranger
And to know who needs help
You need only just ask
The city burned. Vivid flames painted the night sky with colors of red and orange, with the occasional splash from the intermittent gas stations. The violent winds increased the intensity of the firestorm with every moment, melting the hundreds of thousands plastic cars where they sat. Smaller explosions rippled through the scarred cityscape as windows explode into the molten streets like confetti, pooling where it lay like a guttered candle.
-------------------------------------------
Those who stand for nothing will fall for anything.
-------------------------------------------